November 26, 2016

“The memories I certainly want to forget still keeps on running through my mind.”

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Processed with VSCO with x1 preset

I was standing in a dark room and staring outside through a window. The atmosphere was so silent; I couldn’t hear a thing. No words formed in my mouth except of the word “pain”. The breeze inside the room seemed dull but peaceful. I touched the curtains on the window and they were hung so delicately. They felt silky but it was fully covered with dust. I slowly removed my hands from the curtains and I saw masses of dust falling down the floor. As the dust touched the floor, tears suddenly fell down my face as I watch through the window several children playing hopscotch and a couple kissing down the block like there’s no tomorrow.

I experienced those before.

When I was young, I went through plenty of hardships and obstacles. My parents would always argue about my existence, my elder sister wouldn’t take care of me and she would embarrass me in front of her friends. I was a boy full of peculiar characteristics. No one would notice my sadness, but they would always observe my mistakes. People all around me won’t accept my the way I look like, what I sound like, what I truly am.

My former home was turned into a former apocalypse.

I am trying to forget those memories, but every single day, they keep running inside of me like how my blood circulates through my veins. It’s killing me each and every time I think about it and every single day of my life is a war that is battling between willing to give up and taking a break from reality.

I am so tired — tired to the extent that I want everything to stop abruptly and quietness will overtake this world. I want to live on my own. My proficiency and my plans were ruined because of the nasty memories of the past that I went through.

Those recollections inside my mind tells previous stories I never want to share.

Those ruthless, despoiled, dangerous, harmful, insane, wicked, erroneous, harsh, unmerciful and heartless memories — name them all, bring so much burden on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Not sharing my thoughts to other people and just keeping them inside of me slowly kills me. Honestly speaking, I am just trying to fit in this society that really doesn’t accept me entirely. And little by little, I’m slowly dying without anyone knowing.

And one day, it will all be okay.
Everything will be at peace and in place.

…I am standing in a dark room, alone, isolating myself from society and figuring everything out. I am enjoying the peace and solitude of my surroundings. I am slowly secluding myself from this world…

Those memories… those memories… those memories of murder!
Those memories of murder that could be the cause of my death.
And now, I think it’s time for me to bid farewell to this world, as those recollections haunt me every single time I breathe.
Those memories of murder shall be buried in peace.

Farewell, cruel world.